Entirely possible…


Interview drama and the waiting game

I had an interview today!


But, the waiting game is the hardest. When I think of all the efforts and hoops I went through last night to prepare for this interview; I even had to run out to a clothing store to get an/and/or lightweight top to wear under my old suit jacket, or a new suit jacket or both. I brought home both.

About the clothes first; With the weight-loss I was finally, finally able to fit into a very nice Jones New York dress suit jacket which I purchased 5-years ago in 2009. I wore it to one interview and even then I couldn’t button the front button. As I got fatter and fatter I got to a point where I could no longer wear it and even fake that it doesn’t fit — oh my, the buttons and the gap between the buttons and button holes were 7-inches apart!

Fast forward to 50+lbs lighter… now the jacket is old, looks old, seems discolored or dusty (it’s black) fits me for sure but is actually too big in some areas like the back and shoulders (gaping – loved seeing that but it’s not attractive) and the buttoning of it is too high-waisted. Who knew? I mean, I could never button it before.  Well, now I know.

I could get away with wearing the old jacket but how I felt in it was more the issue. I’m an older woman (50’s) and I’m guaranteed that my competition will be much younger and those of them who really want to arrive pristine, they will be tough competition. That said, I wanted to look as contemporary as possible, rather than frumpy — and I would have.

Ya know, I just didn’t want to look like I borrowed someone elses old clothes!
I bought a beautiful short suit jacket that certainly does put the old one to shame.

I looked smashing this morning. I arrived 15-minutes early as I always do…. (and they were already ready for me, so Kudo’s for me). With all that homework I did, the clothing drama; though the jacket was easy to find and buy… and I was home in less than 1-hour of shopping, the interview was rather short and they didn’t ask me a single behavioral question. My two interviewers told me much about the job that I would be doing and I confirmed that I would be excited to take on the job and (when do I start?)…

When you have an agent who sends you on these interviews, it’s the agent that has already done the selling of me; and therefore why I had the interview at all. So, generally the interviews are short  and sweet and seem more to the point of ‘looking me over, reading me and to see if we’re going to be compatible’.

I liked the job and two ladies who interviewed me. They are the two that I would be working with and if they feel we’ll be compatible, I’m in.

Hopefully, neither of those ladies owned the black Mercedes that I probably lightly door-dinged when I got out of my car…

So anyway, a 15-minute appearance in the new suiting jacket!
I hope it was worth the $90 investment!

In other important news…

newsThere isn’t really any. I’m being very serious again about food and exercise… that over being just serious and it looks like a lb has fallen off. Onward and downward. Today I shopped for low sodium turkey breast slices, Oroweat extra fiber whole grain bread and … I guess that’s it. I’m not a fan of sandwiches. Usually they equate to high sodium, too much bread and any sandwich must have cheese. Fortunately I don’t like mayonnaise and always use mustard.

My trainer is constantly after me about eating at least up to 1500-calories a day. I’m finicky and certain things that people do eat that is low-fat and high in protein are things I don’t like. Hummus, black beans, soy stuff; stuff like that to get calories and protein are things I won’t eat. I try not to eat grilled chicken salads because of the dressing and the need to prepare the chicken for the salad. Too much work and why would I buy lettuce that will go bad in a day or two and then the fat in the salad dressing issue. No, don’t like just vinegar, so. So it’s hard and lunches for me are the hardest. Anyway, the sandwich thing is pretty easy and highly portable so I have gone this route for my lunches. Got.to.eat.

Sandwich was delicious.

Last night I texted my trainer that I would not be able to do the session at 6:00. I wasn’t contacted until 3:30PM for the interview which was scheduled for 9:00AM the next day. I had to ‘study’, get clothes together, get hair washed night before to save time in the morning, and so on, not to exclude the inevitable impromptu shopping trip! Sure, training is only an hour investment in time but… getting there: 15-minutes, warm up: 30-minutes, Training: 50-minutes, getting home: 15-minutes, shower — as long as it takes. That’s more like close to 2-hours and I wasn’t up that distraction or interruption of my time.

Anyhoo…. must go put up Halloween lights!


Getting back!

Finally! I hit the gym tonight at 9:00PM.

I’m feeling as though I am, or possibly experiencing some depression. I’ve never had depression (I don’t believe in it) but spending 80% of the day in bed (on the bed; to be clear) watching TV is not a good thing. At times in my life the staying on the bed watching TV is normal, but caring less or finding a reason go get up and off the bed, is not.

I knew my best medicine would be exercise… the hardest part is getting there. Today I purposely waited until the evening to go since I knew my mom was in good hands with her husband at the symphony. She’s in good hands with him at home as well but with them at the symphony I knew it was safe in assuming I wasn’t needed the house.

But, in the midst of my gloom-and-doom-fest this evening I got a text from her husband. He says that they are at dinner before the symphony and she’s having trouble finding the silverware on the table. “Knife, fork, etc.” Poor thing. I do hope she at least found the wine glass. I mean that in love (mom loves her wine with dinner).

My.heart.sank! I ate with them just two days ago and she knew of and found the silverware just fine and had no trouble eating at all. We have no surgery date yet and with this new status report… it might be useless unless it happens soon. Also with this news, the reality; is becoming a real-er reality.

Something in that message from him triggered me to get serious about getting to the gym. Strange? Why? Because an hour of distraction in a healthy way will make for a stronger me and it looks like I’m going to be needing a lot of workouts in the weeks and months to come. And because if I am having depression (I don’t think I do, I’m just not motivated to do much; and I think this is normal and understandable) news like this means that without exercise, I will only get worse and I need to stay strong!


52-minutes of cardio; rowing, stair climbing and Incline Training. A little TRI of sorts — or a combo plate; you decide. I’ve improved so much on the stair climbing beast but in my mood and sense of self-esteem (being low on this day) I climbed next to a young woman who was banging it out at probably level 12 with no rest breaks. She was racing those stairs… And I felt so insignificant being on level 7 and was taking water breaks. I KNOW it was all in my imagination but she just gave me a vibe that read… you are a loser and you’re not taking this seriously. (well, she doesn’t know how hard it was to get there =D in the first place!)

So I did my 12-minutes on the climber (should have done 15) and then rowed for 17-minutes and 23-minutes on the incline trainer steadily on 21-incline at 4.5-MPH. And I had NO trouble with that. I could have done it all night. Funny what works for us and what we’re comfortable with. And, that’s exactly Andre’s point — and why he wants me on the stair climber — because it isn’t easy for me. Whatev, I did a bit of each that he wanted me to do and then the Incline Trainer where my comfort zone is.

The workout felt good, I was distracted and even at one point I was either so wrapped up in thought I didn’t notice how much time had passed, and other times I was complete in the fitness mind zone. So I got a break.

No plans for tomorrow; we don’t really make plans these days but I will head over to moms, anyway. But before that, I need to start making some calls. I can’t get a straight story out of her about whom she’s told or called. Her husband can’t give me a straight answer either and that said, getting any information out of either of them is a huge frustration and challenge. One sure thing is, nobody will be happy with me if she goes into surgery and/or dies and I never told anyone she was ill. :nono4:

So, I shall take things into my own hands. I never know if what I decide to do on her behalf is something she would want me to do or not, but the sad thing is — she won’t recognize or remember it anyway. :cry2:. Now this is not to say she isn’t coherent and looking healthy (at least I think so) – she’s just not sure of what she’s doing half the time.

ANYWAY Good for me for making that difficult step to get back to the gym; I’ve gone but in the past week and a half, only on Andre days :n:NOT GOOD.

I still couldn’t remember my password!

My goodness, what a ride this year — and it ain’t even over yet!

I’ve written!…. but never got them posted. So, here’s what’s happening and I hope to be a better blogger — I need the outlet. Read on and find out why.

I am still with my beloved personal trainer since February 2nd, but that ride stops on November 7th. I lost 52-lbs in 9-months. Yeah, that pretty remarkable but….. at the end of June I wrote the same thing: “I have lost 52-lbs’. Clearly the process slowed down since coming to a seemingly a screeching halt since July. BUT, the better news is that I have not gained any weight in epic or small proportions in all this time. I have gained miniscule amounts which were quickly addressed!  I am holding steady at 50-lbs.

Much has happened in the past few months and none of my news is positive. My professional agent has kept me in steady work since mid January and up until this past week. The contracts I have been in have been wonderful jobs but not jobs I took with any hope of being hired on full-time as part of the company. Unfortunately, and quite simply, the nature of the tasks I was hired to do have not been geared for full-time direct-hire within the company, period.The fact that I was not hired on, or one of those 1 in 5 contract workers will get hired on (a myth) with the company can be frowned upon by future potential employers, but what can I do; it’s been what is was I for the work I’ve done this year, I have been HIGHLY rated.

As well, One contract I was in let me go after holding onto me as long as they could (from 1-week to 4-months) but had to surrender me for lack of funding for the business need — of me. My agency quickly placed me in another great position and just learned that the company which gave me up — had asked for me back!

So the temping work has not been all for not and I loved the jobs I was in. Now for the bad news; the last job I exited was on September 27th and people — this is NOT the time of year to expect placement in a temp job or to get hired. 4th quarter is, THE WORST. I do think my agent will call for one little or large job or another; it’s just the waiting game.

Now for the worstest news. My mother had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. This came as a devastating shock and the worse news than we ever expected when she went in for a brain scan to see if she was having onset Alzheimer’s. I can assure you that the news of Altz would have been far more welcoming that this news! She is 87-years old and at the early stages of Altz we may not have ever seen a full-blown case of it with her. This worse news brings with it a very shortened life span, in terms of months, a month or days.

My head is the clouds of denial over this (always lately). She will have a brain surgery next week — we hope a scheduled appt waits and we have no specific date as of today. I won’t even talk about what could happen in surgery but we are hopeful that it will be successful and she will stay with us to live a normal life span. Mom does suffer from memory issues and getting full sentences out. It’s a tough thing to watch, a tough thing to think about and a tough thing to ‘wait for’ for sure. What does ‘wait’ mean? Wait for the appt, wait for results, wait for recovery or wait for inevitable. Just sit and wait.

How am I doing? I am numb and in denial. I spend extended amounts of time with her; whom you would never know was sick and when I have my alone time — I stay alone. I don’t particularly care about a job at this moment and if I did have one; how well would that go? I’d take off for the surgery date; and that generally that scenario might be tolerated in a real job, but would not work in a temp job, and I’d stay off work as long as it took to be sure mom is in good hands. On the other hand, I could accept a job, stay in it as long as I could and quit if I have to — burning every last bridge that I have crossed.

My fitness plan has gone down the toilet My fitness plan is in jeopardy but I won’t put up with gain…. But it is all I can do to tear myself away from doing nothing to get to the gym; and even then, only on the reaming days that I have left to train — I will not be renewing a 4th time.

Must, must, must get back on the rails! Just before all the drama began this year, I learned by experience and through my personal trainer that rowing is an amazing cardio workout that does display quick results. My trainer likes to see me on the Stair Master climber — something I hate but it too will show results right away. My trainer wants me to use the Stair Master climber for 15-minutes per day and then the Precor Elliptical ATM hate that even more, for 15-minutes and/or the rowing machine That’s all he asks of me.

Do you think I can do that in my state? YES! I realized that honestly; I can’t give up everything just to sit there and watch mom… you know. Until she gets her surgery or has an ‘episode’ as a result of the tumors, we are all ‘on closely guarded watch’ but on the other hand, I do need to take care of myself — at least for 1-hour day, right?

Well, I guess I should get something done today. :eyesrolling:


The short version!

Over the past few days I’ve written plenty of posts…
and kept them as drafts.

That is — unfinished work! And as each day passes that they are not posted, the posts become old news.

So I’m starting from here!

Fitness and food

Terrible. Not horrific but I’m on strike until I begin Personal Training. The decision to have Personal Training was difficult. For every 2-days that I decided, absolutely I’m going to do this, I put it off waiting until I get the duplicate credit card in the mail — I can’t sign up with a card. I have cards, but it’s going on a particular one. During this wait period I’ve had moments of not wanting to pay for and not sure that I will follow through with what he tells me to do on my own time.

And then I try on clothes for interviews. I’d look for other things to wear that don’t hug my back fat and I often wish my arms were at least as lean as they were a few months ago (and trust me — they weren’t that lean, just leaner). I think about how I will look in July for the big HS reunion bash. I even think about how I’ll look when I see an old friend in 2-weeks. I think, and I think and I think… and then I think that if I don’t do something right now — with a professional — nothing will change between now and July or any other time.

So I dropped by the gym today after two successful interviews and left a message for “A” to call me. No, I didn’t workout.

That then is that first real step toward commitment.

Now I figure that I can go to the gym between now and when I get a concrete plan from “A” but I’ll still be on the hamster wheel working out aimlessly with no results.

So until I start training, get the workout and the plan from”A, get set up online with their food log and other goodies … I’m enjoying eating the things that I shouldn’t. Be. And yes, I understand that is not the correct approach to pre-training, but — that’s just the way it goes!


Two Interviews completed today and it looks like I got the job for the first one. It’s not official, official but I’ve already been called back for brief phone interview. The second interview went well also but this job pays less money. IT also has longevity potential. The first company I interviewed with today is the one that will bring in the buko-bucks — but will only run 60-days. Still, a lot of buko-bucks so it’ll be worth it.

And then… tomorrow I start back at work at the old job for next season madness. Until I get hired by a company that actually pays well; I’ll keep plugging along at what I have.

PostScript; “A” did not call me today or this evening… kinda ticked!

Stay tuned…

Pleading the Fifth

I have nothing to say about today; avoiding the task of reporting on my fitness and healthy eating today so I’ll just show you where I’ve been and what I ate. An that’s that!




Well, maybe that’s not all I have to say!

I’m considering hiring “A” to train me; “A” is “the best” physical trainer on earth (and one of 3 that I know – LOL). I’m not doing well on my own and seriously folks, I do need help on this. REAL HELP — Not just the help of calories counting app but some hard-core serious help, a counselor, and someone to teach me how to eat. Someone whom I will be accountable to — because being accountable to myself — is.not.working.  I have a huge line of credit but it’s all; mostly all has been paid off — therefore a huge wide open line of credit. I’m considering using one of those cards for the training. It’s not as simple as that; the person who paid off a large majority of the cards will have the last say — that’s just the way that is. But, this person may take on half of the financial responsibility for the training and well, we can negotiate.

Everyone who love me wants me healthy!

The only showstopper at the moment is knowing where I’ll be working,  how soon and when. I have one 99% sure thing on the table for 3-weeks with a pretty low pay. I have been approached today as a possibility for a 45- 60-day contract paying a HUGE amount of money and I have an interview on Monday with an agency — they called me so while they may ignore me after meeting me, it’s good to do the task of meeting them and be ‘on file’.

At the same time, the above instances shouldn’t be an issue. No trainer puts us/me on a defined schedule so there shouldn’t be a problem working around my crazy work schedule — as soon as I know that will be…. and of the first two that I mentioned; the low paying one starts in a few days and the other… I’m waiting to be called for an interview; if chosen for one at all.


First thing; beauty sleep! Second thing, The Gym and talk to “A” if I see him. Third thing, Friday is my day with mom and I am taking her to a Dr. Appointment.

And that’s that!

Fitness and good eating must start as soon as tomorrow

And tomorrow is today

As I laid in bed (in a cold room) and couldn’t get up out of bed (didn’t want to) I pondered (again) how my day would pan out. Plans vs. reality are two separate entities. The good news is that I didn’t think about waiting another day to start my food and fitness plan, but in healthier frame of mind, I pondered: do I want to have my oatmeal first, or the blueberry and spinach smoothie first? That is; which will be for breakfast.

qI finally got out of bed and turned on the heat. My thermostat has a mind of its own so setting it to do something at certain time is, moments wasted in a life time — I just doesn’t work, period. I decided to have the oatmeal first (a warm food) and will have the smoothie in a couple of hours. My choice of oatmeal is the easiest, and the best choice for me is Quaker Instant / Weight Control / Maple. Instant oatmeal isn’t the healthiest thing in the world but I digress for the extra fiber; 6g (essential in a WW plan and essential, anyway), 7g protein and the expected 3g of fat. Thems good numbers!

If I had my absolute favorite choice of instant oatmeal it would be the precooked frozen steel-cut packages from Costco. The draw back on those; expensive as hell and I only like the Maple ones. The (I think) $10.+ box of steel-cut oatmeal’ contain 6-maple and 6-blueberry. I was shocked I didn’t like the blueberry and shocked that I was IN LOVE with the maple. If all of those in the box were Maple;; SOLD! But menh… the Quaker it is, and that’s that. (too much said already about oatmeal and one of my lighter resolutions is to be less verbose!)

Thus far I have described my morning and logged my first meal (4-points breakfast) in a long while on WeightWatchers’. Has anyone tried the ActiveLink? The hardest part in WW is tracking  because (probably until now) people who are doing WeightWatchers’ and are VERY active can’t find the correct activity, duration of activity and intensity to log activity appropriately; at least I can’t but I’m over exceedingly literal and OCD in those areas — So I felt that if the Activity Link is exclusively WeightWatchers’ then it should workout very well as a tool.

The Gym Visit

There wasn’t one. Whatzzzamatteawithme? Actually, I decided to get my ass up early in the morning and hit it then. Because I’m segueing back into the stream of things I’m going to start off with the BodyPump class. I hope to do 30-minutes of cardio before, or 15-minutes before the class and 15- 30-minutes of cardio after the class; all depending on how much cardio I do before the class. The goal is a total of 40-minutes of cardio, no matter how it is distributed.

[now…written the next day; which is today…]

I’m hopeless. I didn’t get to the gym yesterday — although I was extraordinarily productive around the house – which, in the fitness world count for very little. The next gym goal was set for the 8:30 Bodypump class and the exception to that commitment would be ‘if I woke up in time’. I did not wake up in time.

Food yesterday: Also hopeless. I started out very well but dinner was sugar. All I have to say about this is that the left over apple pie was NOT good and the Hagen-daz Five was so creamy and sweet it seemed overpowering. So it hit me — remember how horrible you feel right now; and people, it was not a pleasant feeling. I was bloated, has sugar after taste in my mouth, I had guilt and anger. I had nothing but pure hatred for myself! WHY was I doing this to myself? It would be one thing if the pie had been very delicious and satisfying. No part of that crap was satisfying.

So I’ll say to myself again and again in the future: Do you really want to feel so badly and as angry and emotional as you did when you ate that crap? Answer: No, never.

On the lighter side, there is a lot of guilt and embarrassment over 5-lbs. It’s not like I gained it all back; not even close but it makes me happy to know that this bothers me — a lot. Does that make sense?