Finally! I hit the gym tonight at 9:00PM.
I’m feeling as though I am, or possibly experiencing some depression. I’ve never had depression (I don’t believe in it) but spending 80% of the day in bed (on the bed; to be clear) watching TV is not a good thing. At times in my life the staying on the bed watching TV is normal, but caring less or finding a reason go get up and off the bed, is not.
I knew my best medicine would be exercise… the hardest part is getting there. Today I purposely waited until the evening to go since I knew my mom was in good hands with her husband at the symphony. She’s in good hands with him at home as well but with them at the symphony I knew it was safe in assuming I wasn’t needed the house.
But, in the midst of my gloom-and-doom-fest this evening I got a text from her husband. He says that they are at dinner before the symphony and she’s having trouble finding the silverware on the table. “Knife, fork, etc.” Poor thing. I do hope she at least found the wine glass. I mean that in love (mom loves her wine with dinner).
My.heart.sank! I ate with them just two days ago and she knew of and found the silverware just fine and had no trouble eating at all. We have no surgery date yet and with this new status report… it might be useless unless it happens soon. Also with this news, the reality; is becoming a real-er reality.
Something in that message from him triggered me to get serious about getting to the gym. Strange? Why? Because an hour of distraction in a healthy way will make for a stronger me and it looks like I’m going to be needing a lot of workouts in the weeks and months to come. And because if I am having depression (I don’t think I do, I’m just not motivated to do much; and I think this is normal and understandable) news like this means that without exercise, I will only get worse and I need to stay strong!
52-minutes of cardio; rowing, stair climbing and Incline Training. A little TRI of sorts — or a combo plate; you decide. I’ve improved so much on the stair climbing beast but in my mood and sense of self-esteem (being low on this day) I climbed next to a young woman who was banging it out at probably level 12 with no rest breaks. She was racing those stairs… And I felt so insignificant being on level 7 and was taking water breaks. I KNOW it was all in my imagination but she just gave me a vibe that read… you are a loser and you’re not taking this seriously. (well, she doesn’t know how hard it was to get there in the first place!)
So I did my 12-minutes on the climber (should have done 15) and then rowed for 17-minutes and 23-minutes on the incline trainer steadily on 21-incline at 4.5-MPH. And I had NO trouble with that. I could have done it all night. Funny what works for us and what we’re comfortable with. And, that’s exactly Andre’s point — and why he wants me on the stair climber — because it isn’t easy for me. Whatev, I did a bit of each that he wanted me to do and then the Incline Trainer where my comfort zone is.
The workout felt good, I was distracted and even at one point I was either so wrapped up in thought I didn’t notice how much time had passed, and other times I was complete in the fitness mind zone. So I got a break.
No plans for tomorrow; we don’t really make plans these days but I will head over to moms, anyway. But before that, I need to start making some calls. I can’t get a straight story out of her about whom she’s told or called. Her husband can’t give me a straight answer either and that said, getting any information out of either of them is a huge frustration and challenge. One sure thing is, nobody will be happy with me if she goes into surgery and/or dies and I never told anyone she was ill.
So, I shall take things into my own hands. I never know if what I decide to do on her behalf is something she would want me to do or not, but the sad thing is — she won’t recognize or remember it anyway. . Now this is not to say she isn’t coherent and looking healthy (at least I think so) – she’s just not sure of what she’s doing half the time.
ANYWAY Good for me for making that difficult step to get back to the gym; I’ve gone but in the past week and a half, only on Andre days — NOT GOOD.
- Hang on! Are those muscles? (ninimeany.wordpress.com)