Vision, AND a new laptop!

 My life is whole again!

glassesNew Goggles! My vision has depended on ‘readers’ and at a recent point in my life (last week) I realized that I was more than likely being defined by my looks, a caricature if you will of that woman who always has glasses on top of her head! And, her hair mussed up as a result. Whenever I went out and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror or reflection I was horrified that I allowed myself to look like that. And after the 3rd time this week carrying driving directions to unknown places and not being able to read them… I said, “No more”!

photoNew Window to the world! Life without a real computer; a full on laptop and a life with 100+ pair of readers is not an effective or productive life. My old laptop was in computer ICU and finally became unusable; despite my efforts. My iPhone is wonderful and my iPad is wonderful because it is a bigger than my iPhone and easier to play Bejeweled Blitz and get a better score — that’s about the greater benefit of the iPad. And besides, sometimes we need the BIG picture and the tool to sit getting down and dirty with the work that needs a full on computer. I didn’t need anything showy, just something to use. Therefore this DELL, the only one of 5-computers on the shelf at Sears. Yes Sears I wanted to charge it – not pay for it! Sears had 5 Dell Laptops; 4-without touchscreen, 3-with touchscreen. Now Sears has 2-with touchscreen.

Touch screen = iPad on my Laptop. Very happy camper here.

What does all this above mean? It means that I can see and blog more! And job hunt.

Ya know…
I had this amazing thought; about food and life probably and I decided to “go write that down”… got my amazing new laptop and brought it downstairs to record all amazing “go write that down” thoughts, and forgot what it was.Well anyway… It will probably surface as I ramble along…

Anyway – The week in review…

calimariThursday night – I went to the first planning meeting with the other members of the charity we are building. Nice people, nice place in La Jolla for wine and appetizers. I had wine and calamari and parked Valet. Total ticket, $20. Nice!

Friday night – I was supposed to go to the movies with a friend but canceled telling her that I was just too far in the weeds with getting the home cleaned up – this includes all the boxes of letters and photos scattered in the front ‘foyer’. I was also tired and I know this tiredness comes from lack of exercise and excitement – the kind of energy that comes with exercise. (Boxes of letters are up to 100+years old from my mother’s family – more on this in another post)

Saturday night – I had family members over for dinner. I grilled Mahi Mahi, grilled corn and grilled asparagus. Ice cream with chocolate chip cookies crumbled on top. Chocolate chip cookies that I made — that I baked, that is!

Sunday… So far just chilling. It’s warm outside but I’m inside and still in my white spa robe (it’s a cold house I live in). Seriously, I look like a big polar bear in that spa robe. Although, I imagine I look like a big polar bear without the robe, too :afraid4:. Today my home is finally back in order, I have new eyes and new computer and these elements give me a great deal of less-stress. So I’m lying low and enjoying the sunshine and chirping birds!

I’m committed to a diet and fitness regime

Starting next week; like tomorrow next week…  But, today I’m enjoying (and will be enjoying) the small tidbits of left-overs from last night. Those being a few small bites of cornbread, enough brie to go with a short glass of wine later. Just small does of bad things. I figure the more crap I eat today to more motivated for tomorrow. Not the best thing or attitude to have, but …. tomorrow is about 10-hours away and what’s the harm at this point? (bad, girl, bad!) That said…

Weight and fitness

I am appalled at my size, the deterioration of me since I began training in February 2013, and the embarrassment (humility) of it all. I don’t care what people think about how I look (personal growth on my part) because I know what they think. I think it too!

And I’ve had enough of it.

My larger friends who looked up to me during my transition last year are out doing amazing things. Riding bikes, going to push up challenges, participating in 5K’s – at least walking them. What I am doing? Nothing but thinking about all the things I should be doing. I plot and get energized (the night before) of all the things I’m going to do the next day no.matter.what. And the next day I find myself waking early and ready to hit the gym. But I go back to sleep. When I wake the second time, for some reason the plan has dissolved. So I have to wonder why it’s so upsetting that I look the way I look (and feel).

These friends are doing what I should be doing are causing me grief… LOL! I get a charge in me that says, “Oh no they won’t” get fit without me. … not because I am being shallow or have to be the winner in a contest to get thin and fit (a contest unbeknownst to those who are in that contest in my head), but because “I” was the role model and inspiration to these friends. Some didn’t say so right away, other told me always. Those that didn’t tell me up front right away are the ones to asked me, where are you’re at the gym posts? You’ve been such an inspiration and when I see those posts – I go!” .

So there I have it. Cause, fact, motivation and fear
The plan I laid out a few weeks ago will still stand. Once in the morning to the smaller 24-hour fitness gym in the mall. This gym is where I can do the weights and resistance work I need to do. Their cardio equipment is only treadmills and elliptical’s – no Incline trainers; my true workout love. But, they do have a rowing machine and I will embrace using it ‘there’ because the rowing machine at the Main Gym where I trained with Andre has 3-rowing machines, but they are front and center of the TRX where Andre does 80% of his training. I would be fully exposed :afraid4:. I’m not ready to see Andre right now (I would die and so would he) so – back to the plan… I’ll do the resistance training first thing in the morning at the small gym and in the evenings after 9:30 I’ll be at the primary 24-hour fitness gym (after Andre leaves) where I’ll do my incline training. AND, I bought an expensive terry cloth spa robe. The attraction for the robe is that I always wanted this and the other is taking a Jacuzzi at the gym after my workout, showering there and coming home in my robe – ready for bed.Yes, in California we do drive around in our bathrobes!

The only difference in this plan than the last time I posted it, is that ….

I’m going to actually DO it.

I forgive myself for the weight I gained. My mom was dying and that’s all I thought about. What I don’t forgive myself for is my behavior on this topic since she has passed. That excuse (legitimate reason) is 2.2-months old. Had I gotten back on the horse right away; which emotionally deemed impossible for me, I would be down about 15-lbs by now.  That’s the hard part!

 

People! People! People!

My friends — I am back!
My goodness, what a past 6-months.

On October 11th (I think it was) I wrote about my mom having been diagnosed with brain cancer. I wrote about losing my (stupid short term temp) job and I wrote about missing personal training appointment and I wrote about the possibility that I might get fat (again).

Most importantly, mom finally surrendered to brain cancer; Stage 4 Glioblastoma late January 2014. The stages in this process were rough–for all of us, though obviously mostly for her. Not going to lie to you – my precious mother was a difficult patient and until she became grounded in bed, she was angry, generally unwilling to accept help, unable to coordinate the use of eating utensils, and refused the help of hired sitters  So, it was up to me and my dad and her long time home assistant — nobody else and mom needed to be watch at.all.times.

Mom was already using a walker pre-surgery for back issues (and old age). As her illness progressed she became less and less able to let us help her getting into/onto her bed, as as well, the toilet. In trying to do things for herself, she fell and was resistant let us help her back up. In the early stages, while she was still almost strong, she fought us helping her and fought harder when she no longer had the strength to help us help her — no resistance strength from her so we had to lift her as dead weight… and this was very hard on her back which caused pain and more resistance.  Eventually she became fully bed ridden in a hospital bed; yes we had-in home Hospice.

In her earlier stages of illness after surgery, she was not able to speak; that is, could not finish a sentience. She left us hanging in suspense over the last word that never came out. I had to tease her when she’d say, for example, “I’d like to …… ”  and I’d say to her, try telling us the last word first… I am in suspense! I could joke with her, at first.

goneMoving forward, once mom was bed ridden she turned to sleep (willingly or unwilling) and did so without moving for up to 30-hours in some stretches. The last phases of the illness were quite rapid. In a highly acclaimed little booklet that Hospice provides, Gone from My Sight, it seemed that mom followed all the rules of the final stages that unfolded before my eyes. Unbelievable. I mean literally, it was unbelievable that “my” mom got sick and suffered through such a horrible time; this extremely dynamic, opinionated, confidant and once independent woman became unable to speak, communicate, write, hold a fork or feed herself.

There was no pain. The brain itself does not know pain itself although, I suppose in lay terms, it knows how to deliver it. Pre-surgery, post-surgery and through the days and final days — not once did she have pain. So, there are the agonizing and painful cancers like pancreatic, liver, lung, and breast cancer. I wonder if you had to chose a cancer, would it be the one that silences you and yet gives you no pain, or one that doesn’t silence you but is painful.

How this affected me was simple. My commitment to my mother was that she would see me most times (and toward the end, each time) that she woke up and opened her eyes. I wanted her to know I was there — always there and would be til the end and mom would never wake up alone. When she woke I’d tell her about the day, something I read, or something from the news. It was important to engage her because after all, she wasn’t dead, or dumb. She was completely coherent up until the last 18-hours of her life.I know this because she smiled at me, held my hand and asked questions, or said, “say that again”?!

In the final 2-weeks I had moved into her house and shared the room with her; her on the hospital bed and me in the twin bed sleeper beside it. Other family member(s) were not as invested in the ‘sitting’ as I was. The other primary in the family felt that if she was dying she was dying. Not being insensitive, but more like a man, he told me that she would die when it was time no matter where he, or I was at the time and life goes on. True — but on my watch… she will die with me right here.

I struggled to focus on much other than her. I went to have dinner with her most nights until later when I moved in, and promised myself that my life should not change and part of that would be going to the gym after I had dinner with her and saw her to bed. But, most nights were not easy. Her eating was atrocious and when someone tried to help she became infuriated. This fueled anger and different sets of family challenges. I’d be so upset, or emotionally worn out each time I left that the idea of taking care of myself; by going to the gym for example was so off the beaten path, so far out of my wildest imaginations — Doing so however, would have been the best thing I could have done for myself mentally and physically. But I just couldn’t pull myself together and that made me even angrier.

This next part was tricky too and this is something I MUST see past myself from here on out and forever. It’ll be hard to explain so bear with me. I was gaining weight – by the day. My step-father was losing weight — by the day. He was dieting. Last February 2013 I began personal training and aggressively lost weight and toned up to the tune of 52-lbs gone. During that time my step-father insisted (not verbally by in actions and expressions) that I could have lost the weight for free. After all, (well, lets call a spade a spade, he got jealous back then and started losing) he was losing, too. And all he did, he said was watch what he ate. Personally, I am sure there are stomach problems for him. I lived with him (while mom was ill) for almost 4-months and every trip to the bathroom was… loose and spattered.

But anyway, the more I gained the more my mom was looking at my stomach. For once, just this once I am glad she was silenced so I wouldn’t have to put up with the comments coming from her eyes. But ‘he’ kept telling me every day — and I never asked, he told company that rarely came over to visit mom – though they never asked, he told them that he was losing weight. “Another pound today”! (behind his back people would say to me, “?” and “who cares?”) and he did this constantly. But I was in this position that I would not discuss weight with him, would not compliment him because it would generate discussion about my weight and so when it was time to eat…. If he ordered pizza, I was going to eat pizza. I would not cave in and tell him I would only have a salad, for example because it would generate 2-thing: a nod to me that I had gained weight, and/or a nod to himself that he was losing. I didn’t want to hear about it let any food or manipulation on his part make me talk about it.

So I went with the flow. What I ate was off-limits for discussion and while I could have/should have been cautious and open about what I would eat and wouldn’t eat, and wasn’t going to admit I was gaining. And frankly, my weight was not my concern. I HAD been professionally trained for 9-months and when the time came I knew exactly what had to be done to lose. So when it was time, I would lose it.

I hope you guys understood that? The issue now is that I won’t go to the gym because I don’t want my trainer to see the 21-lbs I gained. And trust me, hiding from him is not helping. He is the Assistant manager at the gym and always there. So I haven’t been going. This is NOT good.

After mom passed (so tragic) I immediately switched horses to (probably) avoid the reality of her horrific death and jumped right into her Celebration of Life. It took me a month to pull it together and ultimately it was a beautiful Celebration. 80-people in a beautiful setting. I didn’t watch my weight (yet) (although I did hit the gym for a couple of days — go me) too much. I regretted having to buy a new outfit in a new size (one size up) black pencil skirt, black light knit black top and a lightweight over sweater — HATED the over sweater part — we all know why we wear them! I was stressed about finding something classy and suitable to wear that would not reveal the gain. So sad that I did spend 9-months getting to look the way I should and be exempt from these problems — but the weight gain was an epic fail and I regret not taking care of myself. But who can blame me? Should I be bouncing around in a gym while my mother sleeps and wakes and doesn’t see me sitting there? She woke at all times of the day and night. So, therefore I sat.

And now, mom has passed, the celebration of life is over, we did a mini-second service yesterday for the residents at their community and I have little reason left to have excused to not take care of myself.

I am the sole survivor of the family. My dad died in 2000, my brother in 2002. End of a era is me. For once I have NOBODY to be accountable for or to– nobody, ‘cept the guy… but you guys know what I mean…. and this new-found unaccountability and by the way, no job, has tried to turn me in a lady in the lap.of.luxury leisure (with no substantial money to back up that title — who DO I think I am?) – waking up early and getting to go back to bed, watching too much TV, running errands that turn into shopping excursions.

I understand the Psych 101 aspect of my behavior.
New found freedom can be destructive.
I need structure.
My actions are screaming for it.

So here is the plan:

If I have all this time on my hands, and I have all this discomfort and anxiety about my weight – then I’m going to have to break down and go to my gym, trainer there or not and face the music when I see him. He’ll be disappointed, but he knows the situation I’ve been in and while he is young and hasn’t lost a parent yet, he seems to understand. Still, in texts I told him I didn’t want him to see me – I was too fat.

BUT! I finally realize that the only think keeping me from going to the gym is him. And yet, he is the ONLY one who gave me structure and required accountability from me. I hated training, I hated going to the gym every day (well, not really – it became natural) but I LOVED what it did to my body. So with a great deal of free time on my hands, I do believe it must be spent in a gym — or interviewing. Period!

And I apologize for the long and poorly written and depressing story. But it’s one that I needed to tell. Stay tuned for more uplifting posts!

Interview drama and the waiting game

I had an interview today!

waiting

But, the waiting game is the hardest. When I think of all the efforts and hoops I went through last night to prepare for this interview; I even had to run out to a clothing store to get an/and/or lightweight top to wear under my old suit jacket, or a new suit jacket or both. I brought home both.

About the clothes first; With the weight-loss I was finally, finally able to fit into a very nice Jones New York dress suit jacket which I purchased 5-years ago in 2009. I wore it to one interview and even then I couldn’t button the front button. As I got fatter and fatter I got to a point where I could no longer wear it and even fake that it doesn’t fit — oh my, the buttons and the gap between the buttons and button holes were 7-inches apart!

Fast forward to 50+lbs lighter… now the jacket is old, looks old, seems discolored or dusty (it’s black) fits me for sure but is actually too big in some areas like the back and shoulders (gaping – loved seeing that but it’s not attractive) and the buttoning of it is too high-waisted. Who knew? I mean, I could never button it before.  Well, now I know.

I could get away with wearing the old jacket but how I felt in it was more the issue. I’m an older woman (50’s) and I’m guaranteed that my competition will be much younger and those of them who really want to arrive pristine, they will be tough competition. That said, I wanted to look as contemporary as possible, rather than frumpy — and I would have.

Ya know, I just didn’t want to look like I borrowed someone elses old clothes!
I bought a beautiful short suit jacket that certainly does put the old one to shame.

I looked smashing this morning. I arrived 15-minutes early as I always do…. (and they were already ready for me, so Kudo’s for me). With all that homework I did, the clothing drama; though the jacket was easy to find and buy… and I was home in less than 1-hour of shopping, the interview was rather short and they didn’t ask me a single behavioral question. My two interviewers told me much about the job that I would be doing and I confirmed that I would be excited to take on the job and (when do I start?)…

When you have an agent who sends you on these interviews, it’s the agent that has already done the selling of me; and therefore why I had the interview at all. So, generally the interviews are short  and sweet and seem more to the point of ‘looking me over, reading me and to see if we’re going to be compatible’.

I liked the job and two ladies who interviewed me. They are the two that I would be working with and if they feel we’ll be compatible, I’m in.

Hopefully, neither of those ladies owned the black Mercedes that I probably lightly door-dinged when I got out of my car…

So anyway, a 15-minute appearance in the new suiting jacket!
I hope it was worth the $90 investment!

In other important news…

newsThere isn’t really any. I’m being very serious again about food and exercise… that over being just serious and it looks like a lb has fallen off. Onward and downward. Today I shopped for low sodium turkey breast slices, Oroweat extra fiber whole grain bread and … I guess that’s it. I’m not a fan of sandwiches. Usually they equate to high sodium, too much bread and any sandwich must have cheese. Fortunately I don’t like mayonnaise and always use mustard.

My trainer is constantly after me about eating at least up to 1500-calories a day. I’m finicky and certain things that people do eat that is low-fat and high in protein are things I don’t like. Hummus, black beans, soy stuff; stuff like that to get calories and protein are things I won’t eat. I try not to eat grilled chicken salads because of the dressing and the need to prepare the chicken for the salad. Too much work and why would I buy lettuce that will go bad in a day or two and then the fat in the salad dressing issue. No, don’t like just vinegar, so. So it’s hard and lunches for me are the hardest. Anyway, the sandwich thing is pretty easy and highly portable so I have gone this route for my lunches. Got.to.eat.

Sandwich was delicious.

Last night I texted my trainer that I would not be able to do the session at 6:00. I wasn’t contacted until 3:30PM for the interview which was scheduled for 9:00AM the next day. I had to ‘study’, get clothes together, get hair washed night before to save time in the morning, and so on, not to exclude the inevitable impromptu shopping trip! Sure, training is only an hour investment in time but… getting there: 15-minutes, warm up: 30-minutes, Training: 50-minutes, getting home: 15-minutes, shower — as long as it takes. That’s more like close to 2-hours and I wasn’t up that distraction or interruption of my time.

Anyhoo…. must go put up Halloween lights!

  hlights

Getting back!

Finally! I hit the gym tonight at 9:00PM.

I’m feeling as though I am, or possibly experiencing some depression. I’ve never had depression (I don’t believe in it) but spending 80% of the day in bed (on the bed; to be clear) watching TV is not a good thing. At times in my life the staying on the bed watching TV is normal, but caring less or finding a reason go get up and off the bed, is not.

I knew my best medicine would be exercise… the hardest part is getting there. Today I purposely waited until the evening to go since I knew my mom was in good hands with her husband at the symphony. She’s in good hands with him at home as well but with them at the symphony I knew it was safe in assuming I wasn’t needed the house.

But, in the midst of my gloom-and-doom-fest this evening I got a text from her husband. He says that they are at dinner before the symphony and she’s having trouble finding the silverware on the table. “Knife, fork, etc.” Poor thing. I do hope she at least found the wine glass. I mean that in love (mom loves her wine with dinner).

My.heart.sank! I ate with them just two days ago and she knew of and found the silverware just fine and had no trouble eating at all. We have no surgery date yet and with this new status report… it might be useless unless it happens soon. Also with this news, the reality; is becoming a real-er reality.

Something in that message from him triggered me to get serious about getting to the gym. Strange? Why? Because an hour of distraction in a healthy way will make for a stronger me and it looks like I’m going to be needing a lot of workouts in the weeks and months to come. And because if I am having depression (I don’t think I do, I’m just not motivated to do much; and I think this is normal and understandable) news like this means that without exercise, I will only get worse and I need to stay strong!

Accomplished!

52-minutes of cardio; rowing, stair climbing and Incline Training. A little TRI of sorts — or a combo plate; you decide. I’ve improved so much on the stair climbing beast but in my mood and sense of self-esteem (being low on this day) I climbed next to a young woman who was banging it out at probably level 12 with no rest breaks. She was racing those stairs… And I felt so insignificant being on level 7 and was taking water breaks. I KNOW it was all in my imagination but she just gave me a vibe that read… you are a loser and you’re not taking this seriously. (well, she doesn’t know how hard it was to get there =D in the first place!)

So I did my 12-minutes on the climber (should have done 15) and then rowed for 17-minutes and 23-minutes on the incline trainer steadily on 21-incline at 4.5-MPH. And I had NO trouble with that. I could have done it all night. Funny what works for us and what we’re comfortable with. And, that’s exactly Andre’s point — and why he wants me on the stair climber — because it isn’t easy for me. Whatev, I did a bit of each that he wanted me to do and then the Incline Trainer where my comfort zone is.

The workout felt good, I was distracted and even at one point I was either so wrapped up in thought I didn’t notice how much time had passed, and other times I was complete in the fitness mind zone. So I got a break.

No plans for tomorrow; we don’t really make plans these days but I will head over to moms, anyway. But before that, I need to start making some calls. I can’t get a straight story out of her about whom she’s told or called. Her husband can’t give me a straight answer either and that said, getting any information out of either of them is a huge frustration and challenge. One sure thing is, nobody will be happy with me if she goes into surgery and/or dies and I never told anyone she was ill. :nono4:

So, I shall take things into my own hands. I never know if what I decide to do on her behalf is something she would want me to do or not, but the sad thing is — she won’t recognize or remember it anyway. :cry2:. Now this is not to say she isn’t coherent and looking healthy (at least I think so) – she’s just not sure of what she’s doing half the time.

ANYWAY Good for me for making that difficult step to get back to the gym; I’ve gone but in the past week and a half, only on Andre days :n:NOT GOOD.

I still couldn’t remember my password!

My goodness, what a ride this year — and it ain’t even over yet!

I’ve written!…. but never got them posted. So, here’s what’s happening and I hope to be a better blogger — I need the outlet. Read on and find out why.

I am still with my beloved personal trainer since February 2nd, but that ride stops on November 7th. I lost 52-lbs in 9-months. Yeah, that pretty remarkable but….. at the end of June I wrote the same thing: “I have lost 52-lbs’. Clearly the process slowed down since coming to a seemingly a screeching halt since July. BUT, the better news is that I have not gained any weight in epic or small proportions in all this time. I have gained miniscule amounts which were quickly addressed!  I am holding steady at 50-lbs.

Much has happened in the past few months and none of my news is positive. My professional agent has kept me in steady work since mid January and up until this past week. The contracts I have been in have been wonderful jobs but not jobs I took with any hope of being hired on full-time as part of the company. Unfortunately, and quite simply, the nature of the tasks I was hired to do have not been geared for full-time direct-hire within the company, period.The fact that I was not hired on, or one of those 1 in 5 contract workers will get hired on (a myth) with the company can be frowned upon by future potential employers, but what can I do; it’s been what is was I for the work I’ve done this year, I have been HIGHLY rated.

As well, One contract I was in let me go after holding onto me as long as they could (from 1-week to 4-months) but had to surrender me for lack of funding for the business need — of me. My agency quickly placed me in another great position and just learned that the company which gave me up — had asked for me back!

So the temping work has not been all for not and I loved the jobs I was in. Now for the bad news; the last job I exited was on September 27th and people — this is NOT the time of year to expect placement in a temp job or to get hired. 4th quarter is, THE WORST. I do think my agent will call for one little or large job or another; it’s just the waiting game.

Now for the worstest news. My mother had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. This came as a devastating shock and the worse news than we ever expected when she went in for a brain scan to see if she was having onset Alzheimer’s. I can assure you that the news of Altz would have been far more welcoming that this news! She is 87-years old and at the early stages of Altz we may not have ever seen a full-blown case of it with her. This worse news brings with it a very shortened life span, in terms of months, a month or days.

My head is the clouds of denial over this (always lately). She will have a brain surgery next week — we hope a scheduled appt waits and we have no specific date as of today. I won’t even talk about what could happen in surgery but we are hopeful that it will be successful and she will stay with us to live a normal life span. Mom does suffer from memory issues and getting full sentences out. It’s a tough thing to watch, a tough thing to think about and a tough thing to ‘wait for’ for sure. What does ‘wait’ mean? Wait for the appt, wait for results, wait for recovery or wait for inevitable. Just sit and wait.

How am I doing? I am numb and in denial. I spend extended amounts of time with her; whom you would never know was sick and when I have my alone time — I stay alone. I don’t particularly care about a job at this moment and if I did have one; how well would that go? I’d take off for the surgery date; and that generally that scenario might be tolerated in a real job, but would not work in a temp job, and I’d stay off work as long as it took to be sure mom is in good hands. On the other hand, I could accept a job, stay in it as long as I could and quit if I have to — burning every last bridge that I have crossed.

My fitness plan has gone down the toilet My fitness plan is in jeopardy but I won’t put up with gain…. But it is all I can do to tear myself away from doing nothing to get to the gym; and even then, only on the reaming days that I have left to train — I will not be renewing a 4th time.

Must, must, must get back on the rails! Just before all the drama began this year, I learned by experience and through my personal trainer that rowing is an amazing cardio workout that does display quick results. My trainer likes to see me on the Stair Master climber — something I hate but it too will show results right away. My trainer wants me to use the Stair Master climber for 15-minutes per day and then the Precor Elliptical ATM hate that even more, for 15-minutes and/or the rowing machine That’s all he asks of me.

Do you think I can do that in my state? YES! I realized that honestly; I can’t give up everything just to sit there and watch mom… you know. Until she gets her surgery or has an ‘episode’ as a result of the tumors, we are all ‘on closely guarded watch’ but on the other hand, I do need to take care of myself — at least for 1-hour day, right?

Well, I guess I should get something done today. :eyesrolling:

~tootles…

Hello my peeps!

Does anyone miss me? Remember me?

Well, here I am and gosh! I haven’t written a thing since May — 4-months ago!

I don’t have the time right now to write a great deal but I’ll be back. Below are a few things you may want to know…

I’m still getting personal training twice a week (since February)

I’ve lost ‘about’ 50-lbs — maybe a little more, or maybe an ounce or two less but certainly in the 50-lb range. I am no longer obese and my BMI is almost normal. My trainer has worked me so hard this past month that we just haven’t gotten around to the weighing and measuring.

I am wearing anywhere from size 8- to 12-jeans (brands matter on that one). I am wearing size M T-shirts and sweatshirts. size M for heaven’s sake.

I look and feel completely different! Completely, and how nice it is to get up in the morning and throw on ‘any old thing’ because everything fits (well, everything is new) and this makes life so much less complicated.

That’s me below. I’m not big on showing my face in blogs but I promise, it’s me. Maybe some of you will recognize the throw rug? No offense to anyone for any part of what I’m going to say; but I had no idea that back last January in the photo on the right — I looked like a biggest loser contestant — water bottle and all. I find it offense looking when people drag around a water bottle like an accessory. Especially large people. And there I am! A large person in a big short carrying a water bottle. :eyesrolling: But in all honesty — I never saw myself as being that big! — when I was that big. Big yes, not that big.

me

Broken foot

I guess it’s healed. I saw the foot doc after the prescribed time and even though I had minimal clearance for using the treadmill and I was supposed to ween myself away from the cast shoe…. Trust me — I didn’t ween and I did use the treadmill – cautiously and as prescribed for no more than 30-minutes with short strides. And that lasted about a week.  I was due back at the ortho sometime around the 4th of July but I didn’t have time for it. Thinks seem A-OK and on my next hiatus I’ll drop in on the foot doc!  In fact, on the 4th of July, while on a StayCay in Coronado, CA I ran the sidewalk parallel to the beach. I ran and it felt fabulous!

But, now that i can run, I really don’t want to. LOL!

Still working!

I’m still a “temp-hopper” but consistency is good and I’ve been “temp-hopping” for 8-months now with very short breaks between jobs. The longest I’ve been on hiatus is 2-weeks.  At that time, after 2-weeks I got nervous and took the first job that came my way. The pay is on the lower scale but on average this year; of pay rates I am right in the ballpark of where I should be in wages — Oh, if only they paid my Insurance!

The cold hard fact is that I love temping. There is a certain type of freedom in it, in that you don’t (I don’t) get all stressed out about things like I used to in my higher pressure jobs. I take my work very seriously no matter what I’m doing but there is also that little bit of, “oh well’ attitude that I allow myself. That feels good – to not wear the burden of all that may or may not go wrong in the job (I mean, not that it would) but how can I express this? It’s just easier!

OK – gotta run. More to come and pictures too!

Stay tuned…